A topic that seems to be on everyone’s mind all the time, in every gathering and get together. As COVID-19 cases increase, so do what seem to be “quarantine marriages.” If you are on a path in search of your significant other, or if you have already found them, are your reasons for marriage the correct ones? Or are you caught up in a romanticized version of it? Let’s talk about it.
Marriage isn’t just about love.
When it comes down to it, love comes with different depths and levels. Everyone wants to be thought of, given attention to, and loved by someone, but that’s not all there is to it. If it was that easy, then why are so many marriages failing? Once you pass the surface-level love, you realize that one of the hardest things in life is the union of individuals. Two people who come from different backgrounds, lifestyles, levels of education, homes, and ways of life come together only to realize that this wasn’t what they signed up for. Marriage is about loving your significant other and showing them kindness when you really don’t want to. It’s being patient when the other gets angry. Seeing them at their lows and helping them even if you’re at your low as well. Loving them when they are hard to love and accepting their many imperfections. Taking on the perspective of us against the problem rather than me against you. It’s fulfilling husband and wife roles because you know that if you lack in these areas that you will be held accountable on the Day of Judgment for it. Marriage is a commitment of working together to build your lives through thick and thin.
So, will you or did you marry for the right reasons?
Unfortunately, culture and religion have been mixed up for a very long time. Girls are promised a less restricted life when they move out to live with their husbands. The many versions of “you can do so and so after you get married” is a constant promise by parents. Independence and choices should not be given to girls only after they get married. This forces generations of girls to believe that they alone are not worthy and need a man to be able to do things that they should be able to do on their own. Let our girls get a proper education without worrying that they have hit the age limit of when a girl is supposed to get married. Let them come to you when they’re ready, whether they are daughters or sons, and when they do, don’t make marriage costly and difficult.
It was narrated from Abu Huraira that the Messenger of Allah (SAW) said:
‘The wedding feast on the first day is an obligation, on the second day is a custom and on the third day is showing off” (Sunan Ibn Majah).
The wedding with the least expenses has the most barakah. If we stop pushing them to get married in fear of community slander or gossip, then they will begin to marry for the right reasons.
To build a strong Muslim home. For righteous companionship. To raise practicing Muslim children. To experience love like that of the Prophet Muhammad (SAW) and his wife Aisha (RA). To complete half your faith.
Parents: Marriage is not going to fix your children.
A lot of parents think that marrying off their kids will help them and make them better Muslims. If the foundation is weak in any building, it collapses. If your son does not pray five times a day, he will not suddenly start doing so after marriage. If your daughter is struggling with depression, it will not disappear after marriage. Before we get involved with other people, or push our children to, we have to make sure that there is a strong connection to Allah (SWT). It is not fair to either person if one is marrying as a result of constant family pressure. This is a form of injustice to the individual you are pushing your child to marry, and you will be held accountable for that.
A beautiful union of individuals.
The significance of marriage in Islam is undeniable. It is a highly encouraged part of life that is looked at as a beautiful companionship between two compatible beings who will work together to better themselves in this Dunya and to reach Jannah in the Akhira. It is understood to be individuals who love each other for the sake of Allah (SWT) and help each other in their Deen. We have exemplary role models of a husband and wife – our Prophet Muhammed (SAW) and his wife Aisha (RA), who had a relationship based on mercy, love, and compassion. We must stop looking at society’s idea of marriage and look at examples from our own Deen. We have to look beyond the materialistic and sexualized lens relationships are seen through in Western societies and media. Marriage can be such beautiful part of one’s life, but only if you give it the rights and the significance it deserves. This life is not an easy path to maneuver, so choose your partner wisely and be patient with the process.
Whether you’re married or not, your worth is not defined by marriage alone. Have tawakkul that Allah (SWT) has a plan for you. Make sure you are marrying for the right reasons and Allah (SWT) will bless your marriage along the way.
“And of His signs is that He created for you from yourselves mates that you may find tranquillity in them; and He placed between you affection and mercy. Indeed in that are signs for a people who give thought.” (Surah Ar-Rum, 30:21)